The Halakha of Pulp Fiction

A low-sodium version of a debate on kashrut between the House of Winnfield and the House of Vega.

[VINCE]: You want some bacon?

[JULES]: No, man, I don’t eat pork.

[VINCE]: Are you Jewish ?

[JULES]: No, I ain’t Jewish, I just don’t dig on swine, that’s all.

[VINCE]: Why not?

[JULES]: Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals.

[VINCE]: But bacon tastes good, pork chops taste good…

[JULES]: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know ’cause I wouldn’t eat [them].  Pigs sleep and root in shit, that’s a filthy animal.   I don’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got sense enough to disregard its own feces.

[VINCE]: How about a dog? A dog eats its own feces.

[JULES]: I don’t eat dog either.

[VINCE]: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?

[JULES]: I wouldn’t go so far as to call a dog filthy, but it’s definitely dirty. But, a dog’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.

[VINCE]: So by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?

[JULES]: We’ have to be talkin’ ’bout one charming . . . pig. I mean he’d have to be ten times more charming than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I’m sayin’?

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